Monday, November 8, 2010
Wednesday, November 3, 2010
Tuesday, April 6, 2010
The Case for Similes
Since I don't want to clog the newly co-blogged Thinkin', I'll post the rebuttal examples to my initial anti-simile post right hurr:
1. "I can make that pussy whistle like the Andy Griffith theme song." - Drake, Best I Ever Had
Straight-up one of the best lines of braggadocio in rap history. Nothing says sexual talent like pleasuring a woman so exquisitely that her vagina begins to mimic a classic television theme song. And he does all of this despite not wearing a shirt with stripes, too!
2. "She rockin' that shit like." - The-Dream, Rockin' that Shit
The-Dream's concept of love and beauty is so grand and mysterious that the entire concept of comparing it to anything else at all eludes him. Oh The-Dream, you sentimental slut, you.
3. "If you like it then you should have put a ring on it." - Beyonce, All the Single Ladies
Beyonce brazenly displays her fetish in her hit single with glorious feminine bravado: if you bear resemblance to her hand, then perhaps you ought to marry her.
1. "I can make that pussy whistle like the Andy Griffith theme song." - Drake, Best I Ever Had
Straight-up one of the best lines of braggadocio in rap history. Nothing says sexual talent like pleasuring a woman so exquisitely that her vagina begins to mimic a classic television theme song. And he does all of this despite not wearing a shirt with stripes, too!
2. "She rockin' that shit like." - The-Dream, Rockin' that Shit
The-Dream's concept of love and beauty is so grand and mysterious that the entire concept of comparing it to anything else at all eludes him. Oh The-Dream, you sentimental slut, you.
3. "If you like it then you should have put a ring on it." - Beyonce, All the Single Ladies
Beyonce brazenly displays her fetish in her hit single with glorious feminine bravado: if you bear resemblance to her hand, then perhaps you ought to marry her.
Thursday, December 31, 2009
2009 in review: A sexy, sexier year than 2008?
On December 30th, 2008, I came to the realization that things couldn't get much worse and made it my resolution to make sure that 2009 would make up for it by being the best year ever.
Wouldn't you know it, out of the shitstorm emerged a brilliant rainbow!
Well, not too brilliant. At many points in the year, the silver lining was thin around the edges of intimidatingly dark clouds. Yeah, the tragedy was bad, but out of loss emerged catharsis. This might be a personal belief, but I find loss, in some morbid ways, preferable to lingering waiting and uncertainty.
Anyway, that aside, 2009 was really about growth and change. We got a black president, he does some changes, people think it's okay but not really Jesus. Disappointment? Not for me! I stopped caring about politics long ago, and stopped thinking that Obama would be Jesus not too soon after that. In the beginning, shit really sucked, but things are actually getting better with the economy and all that. Can't really judge the status of the world all too much, as it fell of my radar since I've gone to college, but I'd say it made a definite huge step up from 2008.
This year in movies was also great, and a huge improvement on 2008. It wasn't quite as good as 2006 or 2007, but it has its share of greats: Adventureland makes all other teen comedies of the decade look like shit; In The Loop and The Hangover are two of the best comedies of the decade; Up nearly equals last year's Wall-E; David Bowie's son made the fantastic sci-fi thriller Moon; lastly but the opposite of leastly, The Hurt Locker is released and quickly becomes one of the most awesome movies ever made and is hopefully going to win every Oscar available (fuck Avatar). Also, I heard Star Trek and Precious and Zombieland and some other things were good too.
My personal year in music sorta sucked because I lost my iPod. On the other hand, while I was predominantly an ironic hipster in 2008, I grew to separate my ironies from my taste in 2009, resulting in a great expansion of taste and appreciation. I finally began to unironically appreciate Sean Paul, Paramore, and other pop artists. Plus, my work as a hip-hop DJ at Tufts' WMFO Medford resulted in much more exploration into hip-hop as a genre and culture.
But enough about me, music in 2009 stacks up to roughly equal footing as music in 2008. For debuts, 2009 is a narrow winner in my eyes: 2009 had the xx and Japandroids, while 2008 had Vampire Weekend and Titus Andronicus. For trends, however, 2008 wins: Fleet Foxes and Bon Iver's beard-and-plaid forest hipster clearly tops 2009's meager doped-up "chillwave" hipster. Additionally, hard rockers Baroness and Them Crooked Vultures fail to be quite as heavy as Harvey Milk or Torche. 2009 emerges superior in most other categories: Raekwon and Anti-Pop Consortium clearly top Lil' Wayne in hip-hop; The Bug created the perfect mix of dancehall and dubstep, though the genre only got big in 2009; Cold Cave and Passion Pit create a new standard for electropop with their stunning debut LPs.
As for 2009 in art, I have no idea.
Same goes for sports and NASCAR. I didn't watch much this year except for baseball, and the good news is that the Mets didn't fall apart nearly as badly as they did last time, but that was mostly because they did so poorly that a falling apart wasn't really necessary. Oh well, that still isn't so humiliating, at least.
The year in Kanye West in comparison to last year is quite intriguing. While 808s and Heartbreaks was the biggest sonic embarrassment of his career, West personally topped it in 2009 with a drunken rant at the... well, y'all know the story. That said, 808s is still horrible.
This year in myself, however, is fantastic. 2008 saw my destruction and 2009 begat my rebirth. The last few months of high school were the best I ever had (also, I forgot to mention Drake! Drake rules! hard!) and the few after graduation were the most fun and enlightening of, well, my life. Still, it all sucks compared to college. Well, not really, but college rules. But that summer ruled too. But college is the best probably. In short, a 2009 timeline:
January: New Years, resolve to improve self and year. Hooked up with ugly girl in fantastic bonding exercise with Ben. Possibly not the best, but certainly most memorable new year!
February: After getting deferred from Penn, anxious about college. Don't remember much else. More or less a filler month.
March: Model congress, mostly, I think. Visiting colleges, too, maybe. Starting to get pretty happy, but still quite anxious.
April: Got into college! Goin' around and visiting them. Had the best time at Wesleyan, but got the most out of my visit to Tufts, so I choose to go there. Gave the middle finger to Northwestern (which would later turn out to be an awesome decision, because Matt Renick also goes there!)
May: The timeless Championship Blacket sublimely caps off my high school career. Lots of tomfoolery, bonding, and playful hatred of my teachers. Started writing for the 405 and this blog.
June: I realize that, for the first time since 2006, I am actually completely happy for an extended period of time. Many, many personal revelations made. Also, Michael Jackson dies.
July: I am shocked to realize that I am still happy, but something is still missing. Slightly anxious about college, missing friends. Downloaded a LOT of music to prep for college.
August: I make the absolute most out of my home friendships, but spent some time maybe regretting not choosing Wesleyan instead. All of that was negligible compared to the amount of happiness I had, which culminated into the grand Trapped in the Closet farewell party.
September: Turns out I love Tufts. I make best friends and realize that they are the best. Early doubts quickly and completely evaporate. I am happy and reinvented, but there is still something missing.
October: A blackout. I realize how happy I've been when I am suddenly not happy for the week following the blackout. Sweet relief and return to happiness the week after.
November: Any notion of "something missing" evaporates as I get involved in my first and best official relationship since turning Kimberly Heater into a lesbian in the second grade.
December: Romance, satisfaction, and a 13 page paper that holds my potential B+/A- average in limbo. Happiness slightly marred by a brief trip to the hospital and the lengthy sickness that came out of it.
Lastly, we examine the most important criteria for the success of a year, and by far the category that 2009 has excelled the most in, with spades, flying colors, and all that jazz: Notable deaths. Ricardo Montalban, Walter Cronkite, Dom DeLouise, DJ AM, Bea Arthur, Billy Mays, Brittany Murphy, David Carradine, Ed McMahon, John Hughes, Les Paul, Mary Travers, Captain Lou Albano, Robert Novak, Patrick Swayze, Soupy Sales, Steve McNair, and Ted Kennedy. All that's left is the final masterstroke of Rush Limbaugh, who had 21 hours left to kick the bucket. Go for it, Rushie!
All in all, a good year. Good for the arts, good for me, and good for celebrity morticians. Better than 2008? Yep! That much better? Yeah! THAT much better? OF COURSE! 2009 WAS THE BEST YEAR THAT I CAN REMEMBER!
Here's to hoping that 2010 can only top it!
Wouldn't you know it, out of the shitstorm emerged a brilliant rainbow!
Well, not too brilliant. At many points in the year, the silver lining was thin around the edges of intimidatingly dark clouds. Yeah, the tragedy was bad, but out of loss emerged catharsis. This might be a personal belief, but I find loss, in some morbid ways, preferable to lingering waiting and uncertainty.
Anyway, that aside, 2009 was really about growth and change. We got a black president, he does some changes, people think it's okay but not really Jesus. Disappointment? Not for me! I stopped caring about politics long ago, and stopped thinking that Obama would be Jesus not too soon after that. In the beginning, shit really sucked, but things are actually getting better with the economy and all that. Can't really judge the status of the world all too much, as it fell of my radar since I've gone to college, but I'd say it made a definite huge step up from 2008.
This year in movies was also great, and a huge improvement on 2008. It wasn't quite as good as 2006 or 2007, but it has its share of greats: Adventureland makes all other teen comedies of the decade look like shit; In The Loop and The Hangover are two of the best comedies of the decade; Up nearly equals last year's Wall-E; David Bowie's son made the fantastic sci-fi thriller Moon; lastly but the opposite of leastly, The Hurt Locker is released and quickly becomes one of the most awesome movies ever made and is hopefully going to win every Oscar available (fuck Avatar). Also, I heard Star Trek and Precious and Zombieland and some other things were good too.
My personal year in music sorta sucked because I lost my iPod. On the other hand, while I was predominantly an ironic hipster in 2008, I grew to separate my ironies from my taste in 2009, resulting in a great expansion of taste and appreciation. I finally began to unironically appreciate Sean Paul, Paramore, and other pop artists. Plus, my work as a hip-hop DJ at Tufts' WMFO Medford resulted in much more exploration into hip-hop as a genre and culture.
But enough about me, music in 2009 stacks up to roughly equal footing as music in 2008. For debuts, 2009 is a narrow winner in my eyes: 2009 had the xx and Japandroids, while 2008 had Vampire Weekend and Titus Andronicus. For trends, however, 2008 wins: Fleet Foxes and Bon Iver's beard-and-plaid forest hipster clearly tops 2009's meager doped-up "chillwave" hipster. Additionally, hard rockers Baroness and Them Crooked Vultures fail to be quite as heavy as Harvey Milk or Torche. 2009 emerges superior in most other categories: Raekwon and Anti-Pop Consortium clearly top Lil' Wayne in hip-hop; The Bug created the perfect mix of dancehall and dubstep, though the genre only got big in 2009; Cold Cave and Passion Pit create a new standard for electropop with their stunning debut LPs.
As for 2009 in art, I have no idea.
Same goes for sports and NASCAR. I didn't watch much this year except for baseball, and the good news is that the Mets didn't fall apart nearly as badly as they did last time, but that was mostly because they did so poorly that a falling apart wasn't really necessary. Oh well, that still isn't so humiliating, at least.
The year in Kanye West in comparison to last year is quite intriguing. While 808s and Heartbreaks was the biggest sonic embarrassment of his career, West personally topped it in 2009 with a drunken rant at the... well, y'all know the story. That said, 808s is still horrible.
This year in myself, however, is fantastic. 2008 saw my destruction and 2009 begat my rebirth. The last few months of high school were the best I ever had (also, I forgot to mention Drake! Drake rules! hard!) and the few after graduation were the most fun and enlightening of, well, my life. Still, it all sucks compared to college. Well, not really, but college rules. But that summer ruled too. But college is the best probably. In short, a 2009 timeline:
January: New Years, resolve to improve self and year. Hooked up with ugly girl in fantastic bonding exercise with Ben. Possibly not the best, but certainly most memorable new year!
February: After getting deferred from Penn, anxious about college. Don't remember much else. More or less a filler month.
March: Model congress, mostly, I think. Visiting colleges, too, maybe. Starting to get pretty happy, but still quite anxious.
April: Got into college! Goin' around and visiting them. Had the best time at Wesleyan, but got the most out of my visit to Tufts, so I choose to go there. Gave the middle finger to Northwestern (which would later turn out to be an awesome decision, because Matt Renick also goes there!)
May: The timeless Championship Blacket sublimely caps off my high school career. Lots of tomfoolery, bonding, and playful hatred of my teachers. Started writing for the 405 and this blog.
June: I realize that, for the first time since 2006, I am actually completely happy for an extended period of time. Many, many personal revelations made. Also, Michael Jackson dies.
July: I am shocked to realize that I am still happy, but something is still missing. Slightly anxious about college, missing friends. Downloaded a LOT of music to prep for college.
August: I make the absolute most out of my home friendships, but spent some time maybe regretting not choosing Wesleyan instead. All of that was negligible compared to the amount of happiness I had, which culminated into the grand Trapped in the Closet farewell party.
September: Turns out I love Tufts. I make best friends and realize that they are the best. Early doubts quickly and completely evaporate. I am happy and reinvented, but there is still something missing.
October: A blackout. I realize how happy I've been when I am suddenly not happy for the week following the blackout. Sweet relief and return to happiness the week after.
November: Any notion of "something missing" evaporates as I get involved in my first and best official relationship since turning Kimberly Heater into a lesbian in the second grade.
December: Romance, satisfaction, and a 13 page paper that holds my potential B+/A- average in limbo. Happiness slightly marred by a brief trip to the hospital and the lengthy sickness that came out of it.
Lastly, we examine the most important criteria for the success of a year, and by far the category that 2009 has excelled the most in, with spades, flying colors, and all that jazz: Notable deaths. Ricardo Montalban, Walter Cronkite, Dom DeLouise, DJ AM, Bea Arthur, Billy Mays, Brittany Murphy, David Carradine, Ed McMahon, John Hughes, Les Paul, Mary Travers, Captain Lou Albano, Robert Novak, Patrick Swayze, Soupy Sales, Steve McNair, and Ted Kennedy. All that's left is the final masterstroke of Rush Limbaugh, who had 21 hours left to kick the bucket. Go for it, Rushie!
All in all, a good year. Good for the arts, good for me, and good for celebrity morticians. Better than 2008? Yep! That much better? Yeah! THAT much better? OF COURSE! 2009 WAS THE BEST YEAR THAT I CAN REMEMBER!
Here's to hoping that 2010 can only top it!
Thursday, October 1, 2009
Another pitchfork obsession post
Gonna keep it brief this time. Sorta. I need my sleep. Hardly been getting any lately, anyway.
This time Pitchfork's down to the last 20 albums, like they were before with songs. My predictions/analysis:
My Predictions for Their List, in mostly no order:
1. Radiohead - Kid A. They love this album so much, you'd think they made it themselves. Which they probably wish they did. Why do they love it? Because it's the future! If they don't put it at number one, I will not only be surprised, but also pleased. It's a great album and all, but it's as overrated as, well, Radiohead.
2. Animal Collective - Merriweather Post Pavilion. See above, more or less. 'Cept they'll probably put this 'round two or three, and instead of imagining that the album captures the dark, nebulous spirit of the post-9/11 Bushocalypse (like Kid A), it embodies the fleeting optimism that guides the noble caucasian american soul through the economic Barackalypse (like they said in the "My Girls" blurb).
3. The Arcade Fire - Funeral. To Pitchfork's credit, they practically did create this album. It would make sense to put it up here, seeing as they gave it a future and all.
4. Outkast - Stankonia. 'Cause there's gotta one album by black people up here, y'know.
5. Kanye West - Late Registration. Scratch that. Two albums by black people.
6. Modest Mouse - The Moon and Antarctica. The defining album of the most defining band of the most poorly defined genre. Also the second album of real music that I ever listened to. Should be number one, but eh, whaddyagunnado?
7. Sigur Ros - Agaetis Byrjun. The album that created the meta-hipster term "post-rock." That nagging albatross ought to push it down a few rungs, but it's still a beautiful, beautiful album. Deserves the top 10 spot it's probably going to get.
8. Jay-Z - The Blueprint. When you see this many black people getting together on a list, you know something's up. Better call the police just to make sure.
9. The Avalanches - Since I Left You. Oh my god this is the best album. I love it! They love it! What could go wrong!
10. Interpol - Turn on the Bright Lights. Call me crazy, but I like Antics better. They don't. And this is going to be their list. So there.
11. Daft Punk - Discovery. Okay fuck what I said about the Moon and Antarctica this is number one okay thanks bye now.
12. Wilco - Yankee Hotel Foxtrot. 'Cause Pitchfork likes to pretend that this album matters.
13. Sound of Silver - LCD Soundsystem. Good album. Gonna be up there. Not much more to say about that.
14. Strawberry Jam - Animal Collective. Try to convince me that Pitchfork is going to get away with not putting two Animal Collective albums in the top 20. Just try. Ten dollars say that they're gonna throw in an EP up there too. Also, Danse Manatee.
15. Panda Bear - Person Pitch. ...or maybe they'll just put this solo project all up in the list instead.
16. The Knife - Silent Shout. 16 seems like a fitting place for this album, too.
17. Sufjan Stevens - Illinois. The guy and his album that redefined college rock for good, and also for better. Kudos, Sufjan!
18. The Books - The Lemon of Pink. It's okay. They like it. It'll probably be here at some low number. Like 18.
19. Boris - Pink. This is a stretch, but they oughta put another Boris album on the list. They liked this better than Akuma No Uta, anyway. Also, it'll put the predicted number of "Pink" albums up to 2, and that is never a bad thing either.
20. Brian Wilson - Smile. Might as well, amirite?
And now, my completely unrealistic hopes:
1. Daft Punk - Discovery
2. Modest Mouse - Moon + Antarctica
3. The Avalanches - Since I Left You
4. Louis Logic - Sin-A-Matic (it is the best rap album ever shut up already)
5. Interpol - Antics
6. Jay-Z - The Blueprint
7. Japandroids - Post-Nothing
8. Harvey Milk - Life... the Best Game in Town
9. Boris - Heavy Rocks
10. TV on the Radio - Young Liars EP
11. The Unicorns - Who Will Cut Our Hair When We're Gone?
12. The Arcade Fire - Funeral
13. Animal Collective - Strawberry Jam
14. Sound of Silver - LCD Soundsystem
15. Louis Logic -Misery Loves Comedy
16. Sigur Ros - Agaetis Byrjun
17. Thao - We Brave Bee Stings and All
18. Tobacco - Fucked Up Friends
19. Gorillaz - Demon Days (shut up)
20. Tim & Eric - Awesome Record, Great Songs! (shut up shut up shut up it is the catchiest album I have ever heard and ever will hear shut up go away)
Fuck all that was too long and took too long. Sorry I wasn't witty. I don't need to be witty. Fuck that sounded pretentious. I am sorry. I love you, internet reader. Please forgive me. You know how I am about stuff like this. Peace.
ps: i love you. also im gay.
This time Pitchfork's down to the last 20 albums, like they were before with songs. My predictions/analysis:
My Predictions for Their List, in mostly no order:
1. Radiohead - Kid A. They love this album so much, you'd think they made it themselves. Which they probably wish they did. Why do they love it? Because it's the future! If they don't put it at number one, I will not only be surprised, but also pleased. It's a great album and all, but it's as overrated as, well, Radiohead.
2. Animal Collective - Merriweather Post Pavilion. See above, more or less. 'Cept they'll probably put this 'round two or three, and instead of imagining that the album captures the dark, nebulous spirit of the post-9/11 Bushocalypse (like Kid A), it embodies the fleeting optimism that guides the noble caucasian american soul through the economic Barackalypse (like they said in the "My Girls" blurb).
3. The Arcade Fire - Funeral. To Pitchfork's credit, they practically did create this album. It would make sense to put it up here, seeing as they gave it a future and all.
4. Outkast - Stankonia. 'Cause there's gotta one album by black people up here, y'know.
5. Kanye West - Late Registration. Scratch that. Two albums by black people.
6. Modest Mouse - The Moon and Antarctica. The defining album of the most defining band of the most poorly defined genre. Also the second album of real music that I ever listened to. Should be number one, but eh, whaddyagunnado?
7. Sigur Ros - Agaetis Byrjun. The album that created the meta-hipster term "post-rock." That nagging albatross ought to push it down a few rungs, but it's still a beautiful, beautiful album. Deserves the top 10 spot it's probably going to get.
8. Jay-Z - The Blueprint. When you see this many black people getting together on a list, you know something's up. Better call the police just to make sure.
9. The Avalanches - Since I Left You. Oh my god this is the best album. I love it! They love it! What could go wrong!
10. Interpol - Turn on the Bright Lights. Call me crazy, but I like Antics better. They don't. And this is going to be their list. So there.
11. Daft Punk - Discovery. Okay fuck what I said about the Moon and Antarctica this is number one okay thanks bye now.
12. Wilco - Yankee Hotel Foxtrot. 'Cause Pitchfork likes to pretend that this album matters.
13. Sound of Silver - LCD Soundsystem. Good album. Gonna be up there. Not much more to say about that.
14. Strawberry Jam - Animal Collective. Try to convince me that Pitchfork is going to get away with not putting two Animal Collective albums in the top 20. Just try. Ten dollars say that they're gonna throw in an EP up there too. Also, Danse Manatee.
15. Panda Bear - Person Pitch. ...or maybe they'll just put this solo project all up in the list instead.
16. The Knife - Silent Shout. 16 seems like a fitting place for this album, too.
17. Sufjan Stevens - Illinois. The guy and his album that redefined college rock for good, and also for better. Kudos, Sufjan!
18. The Books - The Lemon of Pink. It's okay. They like it. It'll probably be here at some low number. Like 18.
19. Boris - Pink. This is a stretch, but they oughta put another Boris album on the list. They liked this better than Akuma No Uta, anyway. Also, it'll put the predicted number of "Pink" albums up to 2, and that is never a bad thing either.
20. Brian Wilson - Smile. Might as well, amirite?
And now, my completely unrealistic hopes:
1. Daft Punk - Discovery
2. Modest Mouse - Moon + Antarctica
3. The Avalanches - Since I Left You
4. Louis Logic - Sin-A-Matic (it is the best rap album ever shut up already)
5. Interpol - Antics
6. Jay-Z - The Blueprint
7. Japandroids - Post-Nothing
8. Harvey Milk - Life... the Best Game in Town
9. Boris - Heavy Rocks
10. TV on the Radio - Young Liars EP
11. The Unicorns - Who Will Cut Our Hair When We're Gone?
12. The Arcade Fire - Funeral
13. Animal Collective - Strawberry Jam
14. Sound of Silver - LCD Soundsystem
15. Louis Logic -Misery Loves Comedy
16. Sigur Ros - Agaetis Byrjun
17. Thao - We Brave Bee Stings and All
18. Tobacco - Fucked Up Friends
19. Gorillaz - Demon Days (shut up)
20. Tim & Eric - Awesome Record, Great Songs! (shut up shut up shut up it is the catchiest album I have ever heard and ever will hear shut up go away)
Fuck all that was too long and took too long. Sorry I wasn't witty. I don't need to be witty. Fuck that sounded pretentious. I am sorry. I love you, internet reader. Please forgive me. You know how I am about stuff like this. Peace.
ps: i love you. also im gay.
Thursday, August 20, 2009
Fuck grammar!
Yeah, I said it. Grammar, one of the key underlying fundamentals of the English language, can go fuck itself. It's completely pointless, seeing as the "rules" of grammar can be easily broken while still maintaining an appropriate level of understanding. For example, take this sentence with "bad grammar":
I ain't learned no writing in English never before.
Now, to the typical grammar prude, this sentence would be laughably self-referential, since it's quite clear that the person who wrote it doesn't know much about the English rules of grammar. The humor is derived from realizing the writer's intentions, however, which not only makes the sentence clearly understandable with bad grammar, it also makes it hilarious. Now, take this sentence with normal grammar:
I never learned how to write in English.
Not only is this sentence correctly constructed and free of triple negatives, it's also a blatant fucking lie! Of course this person knows how to write in English, they just parsed a sentence completely free of grammatical errors. Can't get that shit done in babelfish. Unfunny and just as understandable, correct grammar only detracts from this sentence.
In summation: mistakes in grammar are hilarious and not bad at all. And no, this was NOT just a way to cover my ass for realizing that I said "your" instead of "you're" and "is" instead of "are" in a couple of my posts. This was intended for humor as well as retroactive ass-covering.
I ain't learned no writing in English never before.
Now, to the typical grammar prude, this sentence would be laughably self-referential, since it's quite clear that the person who wrote it doesn't know much about the English rules of grammar. The humor is derived from realizing the writer's intentions, however, which not only makes the sentence clearly understandable with bad grammar, it also makes it hilarious. Now, take this sentence with normal grammar:
I never learned how to write in English.
Not only is this sentence correctly constructed and free of triple negatives, it's also a blatant fucking lie! Of course this person knows how to write in English, they just parsed a sentence completely free of grammatical errors. Can't get that shit done in babelfish. Unfunny and just as understandable, correct grammar only detracts from this sentence.
In summation: mistakes in grammar are hilarious and not bad at all. And no, this was NOT just a way to cover my ass for realizing that I said "your" instead of "you're" and "is" instead of "are" in a couple of my posts. This was intended for humor as well as retroactive ass-covering.
A series of things come together at this exact moment to form this blog post
The things:
1. It's 3:30 AM and I can't sleep
2. I spent the last hour re-reading the Pitchfork 500 tracks of the decade list, sans the unreleased top 20
3. I am a music nerd and I love making lists, hence this list right here and that music nerd behavior above
This post:
1. An introduction list, describing the circumstances
2. This current list, detailing the contents of the post
3. A series of lists containing my predictions for the top 20 songs of the decade, as prematurely decided by pitchfork prior to the actual end of the decade.
So now that the formalities are out of the way, I present my ideas for what the top 20 will be. Of course, I will inevitably be proven horribly wrong in about 21 hours, but until then, I will have my fun. This first list contains the songs that I definitely know Pitchfork will put in because they're Pitchfork (in no particular order):
1. My Girls by Animal Collective. If Jesus Christ had risen from the dead on the release date of Merriweather Post Pavilion, Ryan Schreiber wouldn't have noticed. My Girls is the instantly recognizable single from the band's poppy magnum opus (or magnum "poppus", I should say, heh heh heh :smug: ) and will definitely get mentioned. If it doesn't get a spot on the list, then it'll be Summertime Clothes instead, since it's actually better, anyway.
2. 99 Problems by Jay-Z. This song is not-so-mysteriously absent from the developed list of 500-21, so i fully expect it to take its rightful place in the top 20. If it should happen that Pitchfork has 499 songs and 99 Problems ain't one, then something is terribly wrong with this list.
3 and 4. B.O.B and Hey Ya by Outkast. Like Pitchfork said on the half-year list, they're the best songs ever. Pitchfork was right. Both should be up there somewhere, if not all the way at the top again (I can't think of anything from the latter half of the decade that could overtake it, except maybe...)
5. All My Friends by LCD Soundsystem. If I recall correctly, Pitchfork (and a great deal of other people) are not hesitant to call this song the anthem of the generation, a full-fledged emotionally crippling bildungsromen packed into the span of seven and a half minutes, and a sonic retelling of The Graduate. Maybe not the last one. It'll definitely be there, though, and I'd put money on a top 5 spot too.
6. Get Your Freak On by Missy Elliott. See its position on the half-year list. Also, see introducing women into the rap game (fuck Lauryn Hill! (just kidding, Lauryn Hill rules))
7. Paper Planes by M.I.A. Slumdog Millionaire winning Best Picture solidified this song's imminent spot in the Top 10.
8. One More Time by Daft Punk. This is a maybe-probably-definitely, since Digital Love placed very high in the 20s, and I think that placed higher than One More Time in the half-year list, but it's just a disgrace to finish the list without this song getting its props.
9. Maps by Yeah Yeah Yeahs. It's Maps, it was 10 on the half-year list, it's absent so far, so it's gotta be there somewhere. I'm rather lukewarm on the song, but this list is my prediction of pitchfork's opinions, not mine. I'll save my opinions for another list.
10. Heartbeat by Annie. See above.
11. Ignition (Remix) by R Kelly. This is just the best song. But don't let me tell you why, let John Darnielle of the Mountain Goats tell you why.
12. Blind by Hercules and Love Affair. It finished first on the end-of-2008 list, it's the Pitchfork-proclaimed "rebirth of a genre", and a pretty damn good song to boot. Pitchfork would be remiss if they didn't include this.
13. House of Jealous Lovers by The Rapture. I have my doubts about this one, given the speed with which Pitchfork abandoned the dance-punk ship and kicked The Rapture's stature down a couple dozen notches on the half-year list, but I wouldn't count this entirely out yet, since the list hasn't mentioned "dance-punk" 150 times yet.
Then there's the list of bands that Pitchfork will probably namedrop in the top 20, but I can't think of a specific song to predict:
1. Another song by Animal Collective besides My Girls/Summertime Clothes. Maybe it'll be both. Or, if they want to pick a better song, it'll be Guys Eyes or Brother Sport. Or, if they want to pick something from the past, it'll be Peacebone or Who Could Win a Rabbit?
2. Something else from Kid A. They fucking love that piece of shit. I say it'll be Idiotheque, because that's the only one I can name off the top of my head.
3. Something by Interpol, probably PDA or Specialist.
4. Something else from The Moon and Antarctica, but 3rd Planet placed pretty low, so I wouldn't really count on it. One could hope for Tiny Cities Made of Ashes or Stars are Projectors
5. Something else from LCD Soundsystem will definitely be there, but it'll be really crowded if they included Yeah, Beat Connection, Losing My Edge, AND All My Friends in the top 20.
And, lastly, here are the ones that they should just add because I like them and cannot believe they have not been mentioned yet:
1. Useful Chamber by Dirty Projectors. Stillness is the Move got a nod, but this one did not. That's a little unbalanced, considering that Useful Chamber is just as good and has bigger name/hype recognition.
2. Stan by Eminem. They've included about a half dozen Em songs up to this point, but they failed to mention the song that made him a critical star? How could you, Pitchfork! Fix this at once! D:
3. The Rat by The Walkmen. They mentioned In the New Year at a low spot in the 500 and gave this song a high spot in the end-of-the-year list. That said, it's also by far the greatest song The Walkmen ever made or will ever make. But where the hell is it?
4. Wham City by Dan Deacon. This is so much better than The Crystal Cat, which already got a mention. Also, it's so much better than any other hipster-dance-pop song that has ever been released.
5. Frontier Psychiatrist by The Avalanches. How bitchin' would it be if this was in the top 10? Yeah. Hella bitchin.
Well, that took me a long time to write, and I guess I'm pretty tired now that I've vented a bit and got all dem lists outta my system. Now time to wait and see how much of a fortune teller I actually am.
1. It's 3:30 AM and I can't sleep
2. I spent the last hour re-reading the Pitchfork 500 tracks of the decade list, sans the unreleased top 20
3. I am a music nerd and I love making lists, hence this list right here and that music nerd behavior above
This post:
1. An introduction list, describing the circumstances
2. This current list, detailing the contents of the post
3. A series of lists containing my predictions for the top 20 songs of the decade, as prematurely decided by pitchfork prior to the actual end of the decade.
So now that the formalities are out of the way, I present my ideas for what the top 20 will be. Of course, I will inevitably be proven horribly wrong in about 21 hours, but until then, I will have my fun. This first list contains the songs that I definitely know Pitchfork will put in because they're Pitchfork (in no particular order):
1. My Girls by Animal Collective. If Jesus Christ had risen from the dead on the release date of Merriweather Post Pavilion, Ryan Schreiber wouldn't have noticed. My Girls is the instantly recognizable single from the band's poppy magnum opus (or magnum "poppus", I should say, heh heh heh :smug: ) and will definitely get mentioned. If it doesn't get a spot on the list, then it'll be Summertime Clothes instead, since it's actually better, anyway.
2. 99 Problems by Jay-Z. This song is not-so-mysteriously absent from the developed list of 500-21, so i fully expect it to take its rightful place in the top 20. If it should happen that Pitchfork has 499 songs and 99 Problems ain't one, then something is terribly wrong with this list.
3 and 4. B.O.B and Hey Ya by Outkast. Like Pitchfork said on the half-year list, they're the best songs ever. Pitchfork was right. Both should be up there somewhere, if not all the way at the top again (I can't think of anything from the latter half of the decade that could overtake it, except maybe...)
5. All My Friends by LCD Soundsystem. If I recall correctly, Pitchfork (and a great deal of other people) are not hesitant to call this song the anthem of the generation, a full-fledged emotionally crippling bildungsromen packed into the span of seven and a half minutes, and a sonic retelling of The Graduate. Maybe not the last one. It'll definitely be there, though, and I'd put money on a top 5 spot too.
6. Get Your Freak On by Missy Elliott. See its position on the half-year list. Also, see introducing women into the rap game (fuck Lauryn Hill! (just kidding, Lauryn Hill rules))
7. Paper Planes by M.I.A. Slumdog Millionaire winning Best Picture solidified this song's imminent spot in the Top 10.
8. One More Time by Daft Punk. This is a maybe-probably-definitely, since Digital Love placed very high in the 20s, and I think that placed higher than One More Time in the half-year list, but it's just a disgrace to finish the list without this song getting its props.
9. Maps by Yeah Yeah Yeahs. It's Maps, it was 10 on the half-year list, it's absent so far, so it's gotta be there somewhere. I'm rather lukewarm on the song, but this list is my prediction of pitchfork's opinions, not mine. I'll save my opinions for another list.
10. Heartbeat by Annie. See above.
11. Ignition (Remix) by R Kelly. This is just the best song. But don't let me tell you why, let John Darnielle of the Mountain Goats tell you why.
12. Blind by Hercules and Love Affair. It finished first on the end-of-2008 list, it's the Pitchfork-proclaimed "rebirth of a genre", and a pretty damn good song to boot. Pitchfork would be remiss if they didn't include this.
13. House of Jealous Lovers by The Rapture. I have my doubts about this one, given the speed with which Pitchfork abandoned the dance-punk ship and kicked The Rapture's stature down a couple dozen notches on the half-year list, but I wouldn't count this entirely out yet, since the list hasn't mentioned "dance-punk" 150 times yet.
Then there's the list of bands that Pitchfork will probably namedrop in the top 20, but I can't think of a specific song to predict:
1. Another song by Animal Collective besides My Girls/Summertime Clothes. Maybe it'll be both. Or, if they want to pick a better song, it'll be Guys Eyes or Brother Sport. Or, if they want to pick something from the past, it'll be Peacebone or Who Could Win a Rabbit?
2. Something else from Kid A. They fucking love that piece of shit. I say it'll be Idiotheque, because that's the only one I can name off the top of my head.
3. Something by Interpol, probably PDA or Specialist.
4. Something else from The Moon and Antarctica, but 3rd Planet placed pretty low, so I wouldn't really count on it. One could hope for Tiny Cities Made of Ashes or Stars are Projectors
5. Something else from LCD Soundsystem will definitely be there, but it'll be really crowded if they included Yeah, Beat Connection, Losing My Edge, AND All My Friends in the top 20.
And, lastly, here are the ones that they should just add because I like them and cannot believe they have not been mentioned yet:
1. Useful Chamber by Dirty Projectors. Stillness is the Move got a nod, but this one did not. That's a little unbalanced, considering that Useful Chamber is just as good and has bigger name/hype recognition.
2. Stan by Eminem. They've included about a half dozen Em songs up to this point, but they failed to mention the song that made him a critical star? How could you, Pitchfork! Fix this at once! D:
3. The Rat by The Walkmen. They mentioned In the New Year at a low spot in the 500 and gave this song a high spot in the end-of-the-year list. That said, it's also by far the greatest song The Walkmen ever made or will ever make. But where the hell is it?
4. Wham City by Dan Deacon. This is so much better than The Crystal Cat, which already got a mention. Also, it's so much better than any other hipster-dance-pop song that has ever been released.
5. Frontier Psychiatrist by The Avalanches. How bitchin' would it be if this was in the top 10? Yeah. Hella bitchin.
Well, that took me a long time to write, and I guess I'm pretty tired now that I've vented a bit and got all dem lists outta my system. Now time to wait and see how much of a fortune teller I actually am.
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