Yeah, I said it. Grammar, one of the key underlying fundamentals of the English language, can go fuck itself. It's completely pointless, seeing as the "rules" of grammar can be easily broken while still maintaining an appropriate level of understanding. For example, take this sentence with "bad grammar":
I ain't learned no writing in English never before.
Now, to the typical grammar prude, this sentence would be laughably self-referential, since it's quite clear that the person who wrote it doesn't know much about the English rules of grammar. The humor is derived from realizing the writer's intentions, however, which not only makes the sentence clearly understandable with bad grammar, it also makes it hilarious. Now, take this sentence with normal grammar:
I never learned how to write in English.
Not only is this sentence correctly constructed and free of triple negatives, it's also a blatant fucking lie! Of course this person knows how to write in English, they just parsed a sentence completely free of grammatical errors. Can't get that shit done in babelfish. Unfunny and just as understandable, correct grammar only detracts from this sentence.
In summation: mistakes in grammar are hilarious and not bad at all. And no, this was NOT just a way to cover my ass for realizing that I said "your" instead of "you're" and "is" instead of "are" in a couple of my posts. This was intended for humor as well as retroactive ass-covering.
Thursday, August 20, 2009
A series of things come together at this exact moment to form this blog post
The things:
1. It's 3:30 AM and I can't sleep
2. I spent the last hour re-reading the Pitchfork 500 tracks of the decade list, sans the unreleased top 20
3. I am a music nerd and I love making lists, hence this list right here and that music nerd behavior above
This post:
1. An introduction list, describing the circumstances
2. This current list, detailing the contents of the post
3. A series of lists containing my predictions for the top 20 songs of the decade, as prematurely decided by pitchfork prior to the actual end of the decade.
So now that the formalities are out of the way, I present my ideas for what the top 20 will be. Of course, I will inevitably be proven horribly wrong in about 21 hours, but until then, I will have my fun. This first list contains the songs that I definitely know Pitchfork will put in because they're Pitchfork (in no particular order):
1. My Girls by Animal Collective. If Jesus Christ had risen from the dead on the release date of Merriweather Post Pavilion, Ryan Schreiber wouldn't have noticed. My Girls is the instantly recognizable single from the band's poppy magnum opus (or magnum "poppus", I should say, heh heh heh :smug: ) and will definitely get mentioned. If it doesn't get a spot on the list, then it'll be Summertime Clothes instead, since it's actually better, anyway.
2. 99 Problems by Jay-Z. This song is not-so-mysteriously absent from the developed list of 500-21, so i fully expect it to take its rightful place in the top 20. If it should happen that Pitchfork has 499 songs and 99 Problems ain't one, then something is terribly wrong with this list.
3 and 4. B.O.B and Hey Ya by Outkast. Like Pitchfork said on the half-year list, they're the best songs ever. Pitchfork was right. Both should be up there somewhere, if not all the way at the top again (I can't think of anything from the latter half of the decade that could overtake it, except maybe...)
5. All My Friends by LCD Soundsystem. If I recall correctly, Pitchfork (and a great deal of other people) are not hesitant to call this song the anthem of the generation, a full-fledged emotionally crippling bildungsromen packed into the span of seven and a half minutes, and a sonic retelling of The Graduate. Maybe not the last one. It'll definitely be there, though, and I'd put money on a top 5 spot too.
6. Get Your Freak On by Missy Elliott. See its position on the half-year list. Also, see introducing women into the rap game (fuck Lauryn Hill! (just kidding, Lauryn Hill rules))
7. Paper Planes by M.I.A. Slumdog Millionaire winning Best Picture solidified this song's imminent spot in the Top 10.
8. One More Time by Daft Punk. This is a maybe-probably-definitely, since Digital Love placed very high in the 20s, and I think that placed higher than One More Time in the half-year list, but it's just a disgrace to finish the list without this song getting its props.
9. Maps by Yeah Yeah Yeahs. It's Maps, it was 10 on the half-year list, it's absent so far, so it's gotta be there somewhere. I'm rather lukewarm on the song, but this list is my prediction of pitchfork's opinions, not mine. I'll save my opinions for another list.
10. Heartbeat by Annie. See above.
11. Ignition (Remix) by R Kelly. This is just the best song. But don't let me tell you why, let John Darnielle of the Mountain Goats tell you why.
12. Blind by Hercules and Love Affair. It finished first on the end-of-2008 list, it's the Pitchfork-proclaimed "rebirth of a genre", and a pretty damn good song to boot. Pitchfork would be remiss if they didn't include this.
13. House of Jealous Lovers by The Rapture. I have my doubts about this one, given the speed with which Pitchfork abandoned the dance-punk ship and kicked The Rapture's stature down a couple dozen notches on the half-year list, but I wouldn't count this entirely out yet, since the list hasn't mentioned "dance-punk" 150 times yet.
Then there's the list of bands that Pitchfork will probably namedrop in the top 20, but I can't think of a specific song to predict:
1. Another song by Animal Collective besides My Girls/Summertime Clothes. Maybe it'll be both. Or, if they want to pick a better song, it'll be Guys Eyes or Brother Sport. Or, if they want to pick something from the past, it'll be Peacebone or Who Could Win a Rabbit?
2. Something else from Kid A. They fucking love that piece of shit. I say it'll be Idiotheque, because that's the only one I can name off the top of my head.
3. Something by Interpol, probably PDA or Specialist.
4. Something else from The Moon and Antarctica, but 3rd Planet placed pretty low, so I wouldn't really count on it. One could hope for Tiny Cities Made of Ashes or Stars are Projectors
5. Something else from LCD Soundsystem will definitely be there, but it'll be really crowded if they included Yeah, Beat Connection, Losing My Edge, AND All My Friends in the top 20.
And, lastly, here are the ones that they should just add because I like them and cannot believe they have not been mentioned yet:
1. Useful Chamber by Dirty Projectors. Stillness is the Move got a nod, but this one did not. That's a little unbalanced, considering that Useful Chamber is just as good and has bigger name/hype recognition.
2. Stan by Eminem. They've included about a half dozen Em songs up to this point, but they failed to mention the song that made him a critical star? How could you, Pitchfork! Fix this at once! D:
3. The Rat by The Walkmen. They mentioned In the New Year at a low spot in the 500 and gave this song a high spot in the end-of-the-year list. That said, it's also by far the greatest song The Walkmen ever made or will ever make. But where the hell is it?
4. Wham City by Dan Deacon. This is so much better than The Crystal Cat, which already got a mention. Also, it's so much better than any other hipster-dance-pop song that has ever been released.
5. Frontier Psychiatrist by The Avalanches. How bitchin' would it be if this was in the top 10? Yeah. Hella bitchin.
Well, that took me a long time to write, and I guess I'm pretty tired now that I've vented a bit and got all dem lists outta my system. Now time to wait and see how much of a fortune teller I actually am.
1. It's 3:30 AM and I can't sleep
2. I spent the last hour re-reading the Pitchfork 500 tracks of the decade list, sans the unreleased top 20
3. I am a music nerd and I love making lists, hence this list right here and that music nerd behavior above
This post:
1. An introduction list, describing the circumstances
2. This current list, detailing the contents of the post
3. A series of lists containing my predictions for the top 20 songs of the decade, as prematurely decided by pitchfork prior to the actual end of the decade.
So now that the formalities are out of the way, I present my ideas for what the top 20 will be. Of course, I will inevitably be proven horribly wrong in about 21 hours, but until then, I will have my fun. This first list contains the songs that I definitely know Pitchfork will put in because they're Pitchfork (in no particular order):
1. My Girls by Animal Collective. If Jesus Christ had risen from the dead on the release date of Merriweather Post Pavilion, Ryan Schreiber wouldn't have noticed. My Girls is the instantly recognizable single from the band's poppy magnum opus (or magnum "poppus", I should say, heh heh heh :smug: ) and will definitely get mentioned. If it doesn't get a spot on the list, then it'll be Summertime Clothes instead, since it's actually better, anyway.
2. 99 Problems by Jay-Z. This song is not-so-mysteriously absent from the developed list of 500-21, so i fully expect it to take its rightful place in the top 20. If it should happen that Pitchfork has 499 songs and 99 Problems ain't one, then something is terribly wrong with this list.
3 and 4. B.O.B and Hey Ya by Outkast. Like Pitchfork said on the half-year list, they're the best songs ever. Pitchfork was right. Both should be up there somewhere, if not all the way at the top again (I can't think of anything from the latter half of the decade that could overtake it, except maybe...)
5. All My Friends by LCD Soundsystem. If I recall correctly, Pitchfork (and a great deal of other people) are not hesitant to call this song the anthem of the generation, a full-fledged emotionally crippling bildungsromen packed into the span of seven and a half minutes, and a sonic retelling of The Graduate. Maybe not the last one. It'll definitely be there, though, and I'd put money on a top 5 spot too.
6. Get Your Freak On by Missy Elliott. See its position on the half-year list. Also, see introducing women into the rap game (fuck Lauryn Hill! (just kidding, Lauryn Hill rules))
7. Paper Planes by M.I.A. Slumdog Millionaire winning Best Picture solidified this song's imminent spot in the Top 10.
8. One More Time by Daft Punk. This is a maybe-probably-definitely, since Digital Love placed very high in the 20s, and I think that placed higher than One More Time in the half-year list, but it's just a disgrace to finish the list without this song getting its props.
9. Maps by Yeah Yeah Yeahs. It's Maps, it was 10 on the half-year list, it's absent so far, so it's gotta be there somewhere. I'm rather lukewarm on the song, but this list is my prediction of pitchfork's opinions, not mine. I'll save my opinions for another list.
10. Heartbeat by Annie. See above.
11. Ignition (Remix) by R Kelly. This is just the best song. But don't let me tell you why, let John Darnielle of the Mountain Goats tell you why.
12. Blind by Hercules and Love Affair. It finished first on the end-of-2008 list, it's the Pitchfork-proclaimed "rebirth of a genre", and a pretty damn good song to boot. Pitchfork would be remiss if they didn't include this.
13. House of Jealous Lovers by The Rapture. I have my doubts about this one, given the speed with which Pitchfork abandoned the dance-punk ship and kicked The Rapture's stature down a couple dozen notches on the half-year list, but I wouldn't count this entirely out yet, since the list hasn't mentioned "dance-punk" 150 times yet.
Then there's the list of bands that Pitchfork will probably namedrop in the top 20, but I can't think of a specific song to predict:
1. Another song by Animal Collective besides My Girls/Summertime Clothes. Maybe it'll be both. Or, if they want to pick a better song, it'll be Guys Eyes or Brother Sport. Or, if they want to pick something from the past, it'll be Peacebone or Who Could Win a Rabbit?
2. Something else from Kid A. They fucking love that piece of shit. I say it'll be Idiotheque, because that's the only one I can name off the top of my head.
3. Something by Interpol, probably PDA or Specialist.
4. Something else from The Moon and Antarctica, but 3rd Planet placed pretty low, so I wouldn't really count on it. One could hope for Tiny Cities Made of Ashes or Stars are Projectors
5. Something else from LCD Soundsystem will definitely be there, but it'll be really crowded if they included Yeah, Beat Connection, Losing My Edge, AND All My Friends in the top 20.
And, lastly, here are the ones that they should just add because I like them and cannot believe they have not been mentioned yet:
1. Useful Chamber by Dirty Projectors. Stillness is the Move got a nod, but this one did not. That's a little unbalanced, considering that Useful Chamber is just as good and has bigger name/hype recognition.
2. Stan by Eminem. They've included about a half dozen Em songs up to this point, but they failed to mention the song that made him a critical star? How could you, Pitchfork! Fix this at once! D:
3. The Rat by The Walkmen. They mentioned In the New Year at a low spot in the 500 and gave this song a high spot in the end-of-the-year list. That said, it's also by far the greatest song The Walkmen ever made or will ever make. But where the hell is it?
4. Wham City by Dan Deacon. This is so much better than The Crystal Cat, which already got a mention. Also, it's so much better than any other hipster-dance-pop song that has ever been released.
5. Frontier Psychiatrist by The Avalanches. How bitchin' would it be if this was in the top 10? Yeah. Hella bitchin.
Well, that took me a long time to write, and I guess I'm pretty tired now that I've vented a bit and got all dem lists outta my system. Now time to wait and see how much of a fortune teller I actually am.
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